I decided to do salvia out of the blue, my one friend said he’d do it with me, so I was like ‘Oh, what the hell?’ despite my earlier deductions from friends who relayed their ‘trip’ tales with me. I had heard often enough about salvia and its psychedelic affects, but I was hesitant of it due to the fact that the ratio of bad trips to good was less than comforting for my own curiosity to try it out.

I went with a friend, who I necessarily don’t like because his nature of trying too hard tends to annoy me. But shallow as it may seem, he has good bud. And once he smokes me out, I’m usually just oblivious to his quirks. But I’ve realized that normally I’ve never had a bad trips with pot….however, with my friend, I’ve had more than one. Coincidence? Yeah, right.

Prior to smoking Salvia, I could claim myself to be a pothead, though my timeline of smoking pot on a habitual basis lasted for about 6 months; I quit on my 20th birthday because I became more dependent on the substance to distract me from my everyday problems. Addiction runs heavy in my family. I had an occasional smoke after my birthday, doing it with friends I am very trustworthy of and love dearly as brothers I’ve never had. Nonetheless, I became curious to try hallucinogens. I’ve always vowed to refrain from taking manmade drugs into my system, only ingesting substances provided by the earth. I’m not into the thought of having to worry if my brain will have an aneurism if I take one little pill with a cupid on it. If the goddess provides it upon the earth, then there was a purpose for it, be it a way to become closer with her or for healing.

We bought the purple (400mg) at a local head shop, the color codes are to classify the potency of the salvia, I listened to my friend and bought the second most powerful, not really taking to heart prior warnings on buying a lesser level of salvia for a first time trip. We proceeded to go to a park and we remained in the car. My friend loaded up the bowl and passed it to me, I took my first hit.

Music was playing, ‘Change’ by Deftones, a calm song when sober. I held in the smoke, and then it started to hit me. All of a sudden I felt a pins and needles sensation start from the back of my head to travel down every nerve in my body. Every inch of my skin was completely tangible, crawling with this burning pain of needles pricking every place my clothing touched. I became hot. What I saw I cannot recall, all I can describe is that I was a part of an endless cycle that I could not escape. A repetitive visual that made my body melt into nothing, only watching a loop of which I could not break away from. I looked over at my friend’s face, unable to decipher who he was, but with my hand on his arm in reality, my trance made it seem he was attached to me, adding onto the vision that I was trapped and incapable of breaking away. I kept hearing the song play in the background of my trance, the vocal emphasis of the singer singing ‘change’ did not aid much in my trip. I became so hot that I made an attempt to escape from the car, opening the door to let the cold air slap me partially awake. The heat was unbearable, my clothes uncomfortable and irritating with the pins and needles, I tried to take them off at an earlier point, but I stopped for some reason. Breaking apart from my trance I realized the numbing/pins and needles sensation start to drift away. I came down slowly, feeling my mental being come back to the reality that I had a body. I began to realize that I was a person and that I had a life with wonderful people that I shared my existence with. For those 5 minutes, I was nothing. I had no being, no purpose, nothing that related within my mind that I was a living entity on this plane. I was literally a component of an endless loop with no hope of escaping. My friend said I freaked out during my trip, but the aftereffects of salvia left me feeling happy with a ‘glow’ and eager to continue onward with discovery of salvia.
I continued to do one more trip with my friend, needless to say, I had no significant journey. The same sensations, the same feelings of being caught in an endless loop persisted through the second trip. We both concluded that I needed to be in a more comfortable and less claustrophobic setting. My clothes kept irritating me and the heat kept me from enjoying anything other than the obnoxious pain that kept me kicking my legs out against the floor in eager attempts to stomp out/ brace the fire that engulfed me.
We parted after that, I went home and abandoned my clothing for something more comfortable like my cotton pj pants and camisole. I have a couch in my room that I moved to block the door so that if I made attempt to escape my room, I’d be blocked and would have to go through a lot of effort to make an exit from my haven.

I felt comfortable at the time, so leaving the lights and my fan off, I prepared another bowl of salvia and proceeded to intake another hit. I was standing when I did this trip. Again the sensation began; my room happens to be gold, I have red accents in the form of my bedspread, curtains, and miscellaneous other objects in a bright vivid satin red. My ceiling and doors are white. The intensity of the colors hit me with the bright lights of my room. I again became hot and the needles burned me where my waistband settled, I became claustrophobic with the image of gold surrounding me and somehow in my disoriented state I began to panic when I looked for the switch to turn on my fan to relive the heat coursing through my body. The colors of the room reminded me of Dr. Seuss’s books. The bright colors of Yellow, red, and white surrounding me made me feel like I was on fire. I got the fan to work, and I collapsed on my bed. Again, the repetitive feeling of being in an endless loop, trapped and incapable of escape hit me during this trip. I came out of it, not feeling successful on this salvia trip.

But my determination to have a good trip remained and I proceeded another attempt. I shut off the lights, and played the most soothing music I could remember hearing, which happened to be ‘Sirens of the Sea’ by Oceanlab. My clothes had continued to bother me, so I discarded them and remained naked, my illumination being soft candlelight. I reclined on my bed and took another hit of salvia. The end result of this trip left me feeling trapped in the confines of my sheets, and struggling against the pins and needles that engulfed my body in pain. I came too.

Out of all four attempts of salvia, I’ve pretty much concluded that it results in nothing but blackouts. I don’t remember anything but being without a body, being extremely hot, and completely unsatisfied with the surroundings and the loop I felt I was trapped in. Salvia isn’t for everyone, certainly not for me. Hopefully the shrooms will be more entertaining.

Dear Diary,

Mood: apathetic

My world is spiraling into a dark abyss…I’m likely failing all my classes…and I don’t care. Feels like a waste for me to be in them since with the exception of English and Math, I don’t really need the other two. Go figure. God, I hate that bitch-tits councilor who convinced me to go and register for my prerequisites for an Associates of Arts degree. I said ‘Basics’, but that’s what I get for being a procrastinator/ someone who seriously doesn’t give a shit.

Eh, I got a major research paper due on Friday for Art Appreciation…I’ve yet to get a book on his life, but I did find a matching bra for my Halloween outfit. Still on the search for the panties and the backup shorts to keep me modest in front of my boyfriend’s niece.

I’m going as Alice from Wonderland. Was gonna go as a pirate, but the internet and the ‘skanky’ section of the costume stores are a bad influence and a blessing. I’m getting pictures….and I’ll be flashing my ass around for the witches and spirits this upcoming eve. Woot.

Had my birthday this past Wednesday. Likely the best birthday I’ve ever had. Mom was insistent that she would shield me from Satan with his demonic candles and tasty cake goodness hell-bent on swaying me away from God with a vengeance worth a thousand suns. So Trey and I decided to hang out the day before. His day off, my day off….we went to an arcade and shot at dinosaurs. Then we did a petshop adventure to find a new house for my fish. Went to Barnes and Nobel and just went through books. We managed to throw in a tasty dinner at my fav asian restaurant. Next day, I had class, and I asked Trey to come to my college campus and hang out with myself and a few hippie friends. He did. I can die in peace. I went home, mom and two family friends and I went to see Miracle at St. Anna.

A short note to Spike Lee. FUCK YOU. I thought the movie was going to be more about fantasy and the mystical adventure of black solders in Europe. Transported or some bullshit. Holy fucking Moses. Your fucking trailer was misleading. Who knew? Most often a trailer will tell us the whole story…I was completely raped from behind and donkey punched. WTF!? Overall, aside from advertising issues, the movie was a different concept, interesting sense of Justice. Not gonna say it was something extraordinary, but it was satisfactory.

I will say that my favorite cinematic adventure so far has been with Trey and Hannah to see Sexdrive. Holy shit, that movie was great! I couldn’t stop laughing. It was so obnoxious and sarcastic, it hit home for me and Trey. I thought Superbad was pretty funny, this one did a better job in my book. Go see it. You’ll be worthless if you don’t.

Hannah was in town for a week. For those of you who don’t know, Hannah is my best friend, since Kindergarten to which I have her name tattooed below my hip. She is currently serving overseas. She’s my ghetto sistah. I love her. Her dad had a heartattack and so she came in on short leave to see him taken cared of. He’s doing good and making a full recovery. She might’ve found herself a husband. I’m thrilled for her. She’s given the approval on Trey, and aside from a few hookah nights, we enjoyed the small bit of time together. I’ll be glad when she’s back in December.

So a strange thing happened to me earlier this week. I woke up, same as usual. Went to school. Went to the blankets, and a guy who I had been flirting with came by, and I felt nothing. It was this same morning that I had managed to talk to an old friend from back in Highschool. I got on the topic of Trey and couldn’t shut up. Kinda hard these days to make me shut up when I’m talking about him. She paused me and told me how I was ‘glowing’. And damnit, I was. When a handsome man will walk past me and I acknowledge his physical beauty, I just kinda brush off the aestheticness of it and keep on going. That’s it.

I’ve not had sex since I met Devin (who is married now and has a beautiful baby girl, congrats, hun!) And for those close to me, they know that Trey is a virgin and is waiting to be in love before he pushes the boundary. I am in full support of him, cause it’s an amazing show of self control as well as a respect for whoever the lucky girl will be. I’ll keep wishing it will be me, but I won’t expect it. Being with him, I find myself wanting to be a better person. I find myself becoming such when I’m around him. My mom is picking up hints, but I’ve not come clean seeing as she can’t open her eyes to the possibilities that her baby girl is pulling away from her faith and structure of purity within her household.

Trey is an amazing person. He’s the support I’ve needed. In honesty, he reminds me of my dad. Only, he laughs more, is more open to the magic and the different beliefs and fantasies I’m into, and he’s more of a dork. But my goddess, it’s just like for whom I’ve prayed for. I wanted an emotional relationship, a real one, something that I would learn from and become a better person from. Even if me and him couldn’t make it as a couple, I know we’ll still be friends. We don’t argue or disagree, we just somehow make it into a comedy and deal with what comes. Something about him calms me and assures me that the future will be worth it. That my trials will come and go and I will grow stronger.

I’m in love with him. I want to tell him, but it’s too early. I’m waiting. I want to see him when he’s angry and when he allows himself to fall into that mindset so that I learn to love him for all that he is. His wonderful qualities seemed endless. Aside from his egotistical bullshit, which is funny as hell and somehow gets me smiling, he’s too good to be true. I don’t want to fuck it up. I’m trying to be myself and not be weird, but fuck, everything seems to want to go to pieces.

It sucks that now I’m still in the search of finding my nitch, trying to figure out what path I’m headed. I’m trying to improve myself and daily decisions seems to be an endless tug of war. I need to stop worrying about the petty and decide my priories. I need to get my head on track.

Le sigh. Wish me luck. And good luck to you guys with all your tribulations. I’m rooting for you, even if I don’t say it. You’re all in my prayers to the goddess. Merry Samhain!

May the new year bring blessings to us all!

Oh…and a very merry unbirthday to you!
-Sel-

This message is brought to you by Sel-chan, your local neighborhood weirdo!

Howdy folks!

Been a while since I’ve posted much of anything….I just like saying that. So yeah, bitches, guess who finally managed to fix up a piece? A DECENT piece at that. I’m impressed with myself….leave me alone.

So as you can view, I’ve posted up a trippy lil sketch that came to me yesterday during the conversations amongst the potheads. I came home and had intentions to take a nap, but somehow I just saw this couch in my head….and potheads on it. Then I got transported to the pothead version of ‘The View’…figured we’d get more philosophy out of that sort of gathering than today’s options.

I’m still on the drive now…I’m thinking about actually inking and coloring it. We’ll see. No promises.

So there’s been some changes lately. No, me and catholic boy didn’t break up. We’re going strong for our 2 months already. It’s been great!

However, changes that did occur…
1) Marty’s NY deli closed down
2) Dad bought a new ford escape, white
3) My bank went bankrupt, thus I switched to USAA
4) Had the opportunity to try catering as a job, it’s my temp/side job for weekends
5) Was hired at Coco Chocolate Lounge and Bistro as a prep cook
6) Made a sound decision to switch my major in college to culinary instead of illustration.

So yeah, the best job I’ve had so far in my life, Marty’s closed down and every employee was laid off. Two ladies I worked with had a side job with a catering company and extended the invitation. I am now an employee for Hill Country Catering, I only work on events available Saturdays. It pays a hundred for 12 hours, so it’s a good deal. During the time of job hunting I came upon a place located in the Legacy and omg…I WANTED to work there SOOOOOOO badly.

After the interview and much worrying upon myself, they finally called and gave me a part time position. I start next Monday. Wish me luck.

Dad’s new car is newer than his old one. Nicer too. I got the keys, but I’m waiting on the guy to finish his ‘touches’. That car is so tripped out….the stereo will make you orgasm. I pump the techno and just blast it….feels like my body is melting into the air to become one with the base and the woofer. Ahhhh…..grand things indeed.

So WaMu sucks….I hope they die. On the very night they were taken over by FDIC, they decided to charge me fees that weren’t due till ’09….they can kiss my ass. On the other hand, my new bank, USAA, gave me a platinum credit card….I was denied 4 times by WAMU for a regular card….what the fuck? I get better benefits with USAA, so I’m content.

I’m switching my major in college due to the fact that I’ve come to realize that I’m pretty well in the area. I’m okay in art, but in the instance where I can depend on my career to take care of me….I don’t want to starve. The food industry is always needed and so thus I’ll be transferring over to St. Phillips after basics are out of the way.

I figured you can always go back to school and pursue the knowledge. I got the rest of my life ahead of me.

As for the naked puppets of the title……Yeah, me and Trey are going to Avenue Q this Weds. Oh yeah. Feel my wrath <3

This message is brought to you by Sel-chan, your local neighborhood weirdo!

Dear Munchkin-Freak () :

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our horoscope doesn’t match. I think I realized it when I quoted Santa with George Bush and his wife and I saw you sit on my best friend. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that I did a sex change. I'm returning your memories from the military service to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I always remember Eggplant-fetishism .

In Pain,
Salina ()

**Mmkay, so a random meme, cute though x3
letter meme rules, etc: [link]
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I tag…






Have fun <333

This message is brought to you by Sel-chan, your local neighborhood weirdo!

So to update my journal a tad folks, I’ve had a fun filled month overflowing with drama…some good, some bad.

Major points to highlight:

1) Got a job as an assistant prep cook over at Marty’s NY Deli, that place rocks my socks.
2) Accidently found myself a relationship with one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen in person. He’s beautiful and nerdy, OMGS!
3) Had my court date and apparently it was moved over to October, so no news on that just yet, my lawyer thinks she can get me a better deal.
4) Just past Friday, got in my first car accident. Smashed my car in going 30 mph at a guy who suddenly stopped in front of me.
5) Awesome guy who I’m trying not to worship bought me the flippin mermaid Barbie doll that has a fully functional tail for aquatic enjoyment.
6) Apparently I will not be attending Lakeview this semester, SAC is my base for classes….


So with the above mentioned, I’d enjoy to embellish on number 2 and number 5…why? My blog, bishes.

Kay, so apparently I’m gay for this guy, his name is Trey, and we met when I used to work at Bill Millers. It was one of my last days and I magically stumbled on him and worked up the nerve to give him my number. I felt chances were we could be friends.

Well, we were friends and spending time with him, I wished he was mine. Everything about him is so appealing to my tastes. He’s a beautiful soul and an amazing human being. But due to religious differences I didn’t think it would ever work out, so I merely stuffed the idea down beneath a hole and put a pretty flower on the mound, so to speak.

As much as I’ve liked him, I refused to pursue. Then on the first Monday of the month we went on our movie night which we had been planning for weeks, saw Hellboy, laughed, talked and enjoyed ourselves. We also had our first kiss. So my better honesty came out and despite it all, we both are dating and strangely have the support of both our coworkers and friends.
[link]

Most of you can testify that I draw drama to me like a magnet, I’m gonna be in agreement with you all. Trey has been amazing support, and I’ve tried not to expose him to my drama, but he wins the arguments and wants to help me out. When I got in the car accident, I had a minor breakdown of my self-confidence and faith in my future. Katie, Kim, Rob, Allen, and Trey were there to offer their words of encouragement and I found by the end of the night, sitting in the rain with Trey that everything would work out accordingly.

I try my best as a significant other. I’m the loser girlfriend who will stop by his workplace to leave cheesecakes and snacks for him, as well as buy a lil baby Ariel doll for his niece to enjoy, despite the fact girlfriend wants it more than boyfriend’s niece. But I’m supposed to be a big girl…so meh, I gave her the doll. And in her adorable voice she made me happy with her “THANK YOU SALINA!!!” over the phone.

When I was too sick to stay at work, Trey picked me up and brought me home, taking care of me and offering me the sort of compassion lacking in my past exes. I felt happy to have someone hold me and tell me everything would be okay, but it was almost more with the surety and faith he invoked within his words.

He calls me, takes his lunches with me, wants to walk our dogs together, visits me at work on his days off, and he converses with me and inspires the craving I hold for knowledge. I overanalyze myself in thinking that I won’t be good enough...

But in truth, if it didn’t work out between us, I am blessed to say I had met him and the other decent men in my life because they provide examples in my life to why I want to better myself. So that one day I can be the right significant other to someone who will look at me as the cheese to their macaroni.

But seriously, how many guys will buy you a mermaid Barbie with flipping tail action?
[link]
OMG SPAZZ!!!!!!!

This message is brought to you by Sel-chan, your local neighborhood weirdo!